just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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