Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
