you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
