just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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