you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
