you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
