this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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