i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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