Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
