so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
