My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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