I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
