Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
