Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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