You just made me feel so damn special
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
