Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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