Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
