I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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