He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
