...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize