I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
