Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
