Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
