There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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