I wish my penis had an off switch
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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