Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
