Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize