I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
