I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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