they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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