dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Text me some of your sweat
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
