Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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