so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
