I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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