if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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