why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
