put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
