yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize