I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
