I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
