Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
