I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize