she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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