Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
