took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
