i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
