my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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