Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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