Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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