I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
