i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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