Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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