There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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