Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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