Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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