bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
