in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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