I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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