Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
