worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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