You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize