You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i now understand why vodka
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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