I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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