So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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