I hate all girls vehemently.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
