I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
