You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
