i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize