I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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