I'm going to jail i love you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
