why didn't you poke me back
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
